From the mouths of babes

By Eva Sless

Monday, March 26, 2012

Eva hopes: Maybe her daughter would spot something out of the window to distract her

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"Oh look, Mummy. That man is so fat! Do you think he has a baby in his tummy?"

So began a very awkward train journey with my then three-year-old daughter.

My first reaction was to ignore her. Maybe she'd spot something out of the window to distract her, but no.

"Mummy! Look!" she said as tugged at my sleeve and pointed to the embarrassed-looking man who was trying his best to ignore my daughter's stares and fascination at the round belly protruding (okay, spilling) over the top of his pants. "It's like jelly! Can I touch it?"

"No, darling," I said as I pulled her onto my knee and tried to avoid eye contact with the man, a couple of disapproving-looking old ladies and a group of sniggering teenagers.

"Why not?" she asked, her voice getting increasingly loud and shrill. "You let me touch Aunty Sue's tummy."

"That was different," I said, hoping my low tones would rub off on her. "Firstly, we know Aunty Sue and secondly, that man doesn't have a baby in his tummy he's just ... [I struggled to find the right word to use] ... a big man."

"Oh," she said.

I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking the embarrassment was over, but then — in just as loud a voice as ever: "Mummy, he should go on The Biggest Loser."

I am not sure whose face was redder, mine or the man's, who hurriedly got off at the next stop. But the embarrassment didn't end there; my sweet and innocent daughter pulled at my sleeve again.

"Mummy," she said in her super-loud voice again, pointing obviously at another passenger. "Is that a man dressed as a woman, or just a really ugly girl?"

The teenagers cracked up, the old ladies' stares became even more disapproving and the poor passenger my daughter had pointed out (I say passenger because I really couldn't tell either) moved away from us down the carriage.

Later, when we'd got off that seemingly never-ending train ride, I told my daughter that talking about people and pointing out the things that were different about them might make them feel a bit sad, and making people sad was not a nice thing to do.

Of course my on-the-ball daughter then retorted with: "But, Mummy, I was just telling the truth. You always say to tell the truth."

"Well, yes, that's true," I said as I heard my mother's voice coming through me loud and clear, "but if you haven't got something nice to say, it's best not to say anything at all."

She nodded, and I could see her little brain working it out. "Okay, Mummy," she said. "I promise I'll only say nice things."

On the way home we stopped at the park. There were a couple of kids playing on the swings while their mothers (two Muslim women in full burqas) watched.

"Oh, Mummy!" she said as she ran past them to join the kids on the swings. "That's so cool! I wish you were a ninja too!"

With a sigh I mentally threw my hands up. Kids will be kids. We'll talk about religious traditions tomorrow.

Do you encourage your children to tell the truth? What funny situations have they put you in from doing so? Share your comments below.

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User comments

It is obvious that some people who have left negative comments about this story have no idea how much children know now a days compared to when we were growing up.I have two boys aged 6 and 4 i have taught them about different religions, races, colours in people also sizes aswell. I have taught them it is not nice to stare and point or make comments. But no matter what you teach them or explain to them they are innocent children with brains constantly thinking and asking questions. If you get offended by an innocent childs' comment grow up!!!! Also its not the parents fault at all kids are sponges they absorb everything from anywhere and everywhere around them. Even the story books and kids t.v shows tell you about ugly things, fat things, and etc. To any parent who has had this happen to them don't be embarresed it is a sign of a gifted child and you are doing a good job raising your child.

Some of the people commenting on here practically insane! You should never install fear in your children - i was bought up with a father like that and have vowed never to be like that, installing fear in your child is pathetic. That girl is just being a normal toddler, toddlers dont have sensors like us they just say what comes to mind and as for those people confused as to why young children know what fat or ugly are ITS THE 21st CENTURY - 2012 PEOPLE you cant turn on the news without hearing about obesitiy and fattness and should this child have older siblings or even older relatives then i am sure she would have heard the two words before - stop judging you are really no better than anyone else! so stop being pathetic and stating that this woman is a bad mother for not terrifying her child. all she did was send in a funny story and now she is getting called a bad mother because she wont scare her child until she no longer asks question!

One day, when my niece was still a toddler, she obviously had heard her Mum talking about finding a partner for me. Later that day, my niece and I were in the supermarket. When I asked her if there was anything else we needed to get, my niece said very loudly for all to hear, "Yes Aunty, we need to get you a man, real bad!" I went very red and made a B line for the checkout. 15 years later ,she still thinks it's funny.

My son was almost 3 when on our first train trip, an aboriginal man got on , my son looked at him and said to me a little to loud that the man was dirty and needed a bath, the man laughed I felt embarressed he said it was fine. I then explained to my little boy that people come in different sizes and colours .

Twice recently my partner's (just turned) 4 yr old boy has been out with me doing daily chores etc and he has quite loudly and very clearly,(as seems to be the case with all of the most embarrasing moments) pointed out some things to me that just simply amazed him (but not Me!!! Lol) When we were in the bank speaking to the Manager, a very dark skinned man walked in and Master M's eyes almost popped out of his head as he proudly pointed at and "yelled" Look, look a black person, look", Master M has been fairly sheltered you could say and was really intriguied as he has not seen a darker skinned than himself really person in real-life and then when we were visiting a friend of mine, we were on the front lawn when a lady and her dog walked past ( the lady was probably about 45 at most) and Master M again yells - "Look, a really really old lady AND she can still walk, look she's really old!!!" We have no idea why he thought this lady was sooo old or why he was amazed she could walk, Lol

at jools ... I can't believe you find that cute ... perhaps you should teach your child that racist comments are not acceptable

I used to take a friends child to kinder in the morning on the tram and one morning there was a VERY large lady on the tram. There was pretty much no-one else on the tram and I just had this horrible feeling that the child was going to say something...All of a sudden, she says, "Hey, why isn't anybody sitting next to that lady". I started saying that there were lots of seats on the tram and we could all have our own seat and she says (at the top of her voice), "but nobody could fit next to her, she's way too big!". I was so embarrassed!!!!!!

First & last mistake - never, EVER try to reason or explain "why" to children. You tell them to be quiet or else & then you back up your words with action if necessary. This entire story is typical of today's worthless parenting attitudes - letting children get away with murder because it's either, cute, funny, "natural" or the twit in charge is afraid of damaging their precious "self esteem" by doing the job they signed up to do by choosing to become pregnant. This woman should have firstly apologised most profusely to the understandably & rightfully offended person & then turned to the child & told them to shut up or else. This kind of story is merely another symptom of the perverse liberal style of "parenting" that people ascribe to today. I'm 36 & when I was a young child in the late 70's to early 80's if I had of said anything like this to a stranger then there is no way in hell that either my or anyone else parents would have been so blasé about their child's behaviour. WAKE UP!!

I'm curious as to whether or not those suggesting that the child must have heard the parents making these comments previously (and therefore it is their fault for improper upbringing) - I wonder if they have children themselves. Children do not sensor what they say, they speak allowed all that goes through their little but expanding minds. This does not mean they are bad, their parents are bad or will continue to be as they grow older. As others have said, it's all a part of the growth process, as they put together experiences and try to make meaning of what they see and hear. It's just an opportunity to discuss life with your child. I am sure many other parents can relate or have similar memories.

How on earth does a three-year-old know what The Biggest Loser is? Or what a ninja is? How about some age-appropriate television or story content rules? I assume you don't let anyone smoke near your child, because you don't want her little body full of toxins. Well, then don't fill her little mind with rubbish either. And you should have apologised to the poor man.