Real life stories

 

Welcome to Holland! Raising a child with special needs

Tuesday, November 27, 2012
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"Holland?” you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I am supposed to be in Italy. All my life I have dreamed of going to Italy!”
This personal account was written by Emily Perl Kingsley, the mother of a child born with Down syndrome. She could never have imagined at the time of writing it in 1987 how many people it would reach. For many parents and families of children with special needs, its simple words resonate profoundly with their own experience.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it is like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It is all very exciting.

After months of anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bag and off you go. Several hours later the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?” you say. 'What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I am supposed to be in Italy. All my life I have dreamed of going to Italy!”

But there has been a change in flight plan, they have landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they have not taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It is just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met before. It is just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy. It's less flashy than Italy.

But after you have been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they are all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that is where I was supposed to go, That's where I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss, but if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Please share your comments and thoughts about Welcome to Holland below.
User comments
What a beautiful way of telling an often difficult way of life. The one thing that got me through more than anything else was being told by Specialists that my son knew "how very much his Mum loved him". I had no support at all bringing up my child. He is now 26 and I could not be prouder of him. He has given me an "Italy" grandchild, who is identical in looks to his father. It can be very hard work, but little "Hollands" are the gift to us, that in some cases can keep on giving. Thank you for sharing your "gift" with us.
I look at my son, who also has down syndrome. I look at him wistfully wondering what or who he would be if that pesky 21st chromosome wasnt in every cell of his body. Then he turns and smiles at me asking me a question or asking for help with something, and I see him at extras and his 10 fingers and toes on his arms and legs and they wiggle like any child. His smile and laugh are infectious and his cuddles are just as warm and inviting as he snuggles into your neck for a bit of love from his mum.. Yep I am HIS mum and I love every second of it. He achieves so much and is a delight when you are practicing his words and singing his songs as he does the hand actions to all his favourites. Like any child his age, his favourite songs and anything by the Wiggles is just for him, the best. Listening to him singing Dorothy, like his sister did many many years ago, just brings back those warm mummy memories. Like raising any child, there are challenges and hard days, but the love is worth it
That is exactly what it's like..!! Thankyou.. for sharing your story .. more people like you need to tell their story about being a parent of a special needs child I have an 11 year old special needs boy with a pacemaker and the brain capacity of a 6 year old.. though I am well aware their are others in much worse situation and disabilities, any parent of any special needs child knows what you are talking about. I love my son and would not give him up for anything.. he makes me laugh and think about life in a different way.. Thank you Jackson..!!

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