Mum writes book about her 'princess' son

By Amanda Pitcher

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Image: Thinkstock

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What would you do if it became clear your son preferred dresses, sparkly jewellery and princesses over more traditional boy things such as toy trucks and tool sets?

US mother-of-two Cheryl Kilodavis was faced with this situation and initially she blocked her youngest son, Dyson's, desire to wear dresses and play with girls' toys.

When her eight-year-old son, Dkobe, asked why she couldn't just let Dyson be happy — Cheryl realised the only person with an issue about her young son's cross-dressing was her.

Cheryl not only stepped back and let her son dress how he likes, she also wrote a non-fiction book which she says was "designed to start and continue a dialogue about unconditional friendship and teaches children — and adults — how to accept and support children for who they are and how they wish to look".

My Princess Boy, published just before Christmas, talks about the often negative and cruel reactions Dyson faces when he wears sparkly dresses, tutus, skirts and jewellery in public.

In an interview with the Today show in the US, Cheryl said the book started out as a journal, exploring her own experience of realising that it was an adult issue — not a child's issue.

"I don't want you to crush my son's spirit," Cheryl said. "He's too young and he's really strong with loving what he loves and so I just didn't want that to happen. None of us do as mums."

Dyson's father, Dean, is also supportive of his son's choice in clothing. "It's not contagious, he's just like any other kid," Dean said. "He plays checkers, he plays in the trees. He just likes to do it in a dress — big deal."

Watch the Today Show interview

When asked why he likes to dress like a princess, five-year-old Dyson replied: "I'm a princess boy and I love wearing dresses and I love the colours of pink and red."

The reason he likes to wear pretty dresses and sparkly things? "Because it makes me feel happy," he said.

This is the ultimate message behind My Princess Boy — if a five-year-old is happiest when wearing certain clothes, why should anyone else have a problem simply because it may go against arbitrary ideas of what little boys "should" wear?

Your say: Do you think Cheryl Kilodavis is doing the right thing letting her son dress as wishes? What would you do if your child wanted to wear clothes that didn't match their gender?

User comments

My parents realised when I was about this age that I was a tomboy. They allowed me to wear what I wanted and buy the toys I wanted. Yeah I had Barbies but they were used to play boylike games. I am so glad that they let me be who I am. Yes there were kids at school who laughed, but it was the morals my parents gave me that alowed me to be strong in what I knew about myself. Kids need to be comfortable in who they are and they need to be supported by the people who they love the most dear old mum and dad. My god son plays with dolls his father was outraged by this untill I explained that his son will be the best father and hat his grand children will be well cared for.

What a fantastic family and what a great mum to turn it into a book to help other parents going throught the same things, at the end of the day he isnt hurting anyone if he's having fun then let him go I can never understand why in this day and age things like this a judged negativley everyone is different and they have the right to be!! I applaud this little boy because he is probably happier than any adult by simply being himself, to him this isnt a big deal adults make it one! so bravo to you lil man and to your fantastic family I can see a lot of love and support here dont ever change and dont let anyone try and bring you down you are great the way you are princess boy!!!!!

Various forms of skirts, kilts, sarongs and robes are common for males in other cultures, whether as formal, traditional, or every day dress. Many men these days wear moisturiser (even some makeup at times!), and all through history men have worn as much bold, shiny jewellery as women. So I have to agree with the parents - encourage him to make healthy choices where it counts, help him when people become judgemental, and not to sweat the small stuff. If the family lives in a tropical region, he may actually be the sensible one!

Not long ago, I worked with a man the same age as me (mid twenties at the time). His mother dressed him in girl's clothes until he was five. She desperately wanted a girl. I had a friend whose boyfriend had the same thing happen to him, only he was seven before his mum allowed him to wear jeans. While this is a different situation - i.e. it wasn't the child's choice - both of those men grew into well-adjusted, emotionally healthy adults who laugh about their weird mothers. No damage done, really.

My son is almost 3 and loves stomping around the house in my heels. He is also a big fan of being mosturised on a daily basis and watching myself and his grandmother apply our makeup, often asking for "some on my face", we oblige but only tickling him with the blush brush. As a mum and a teacher its only fair to allow boys and girls to make their own choices as they grow, sure we are their to guide them and we do so but does it really matter who plays with barbies or trucks and if they wear "boys" clothes or "girls" clothes. In my opinion its healthy and will lead to a much more stable and confident childhood as these children explore and learn from their own experiences and those around them. Its time to wake up and realise that this is the 21st century now, gone are the days of traditonal play and dress and streotypes.

i think alot of people might be surprised to know that it is a fairly common and completly normal phase that alot of children go though. Would girls be critcised for dressing up in little buisness suits or playing pirates? i don't think so. It's just imaginative play and a way of expresing themselfs. When i was a kid i used to play dress ups with my siblings and cousins, male and female, and and the boys didn't seem to mind playing princess with all the girls.

does it ever occur to these parents that you can let him have the sparkles and colours in shirts and jeans - cowboys wear flashy shirts too. You dont have to hold them up to ridicule for their choices. As one answer said - her child has had to learn for himself it was not ok for boys to wear dresses. So he got squashed when she could have let him have his way within the limits of shirts and trousers which is the general wear now days anyway. there is the middle road people. you dont always have to stand out to be noticed. you can be comfortable and not ridiculed on middle road. there are so many choices in both boys and girls clothes now. Sparkles are not just girls domain now just as earings are acceptable. We fought for equal gender choice. Dont go overboard into cross dressing. They are children and need gentle guidance and role models. Freedom to do anything they feel as a child does not make a well balanced adulthood when they learn they have to conform. They will learn at school

What are we doing when we start denying a child a right to grow up in a country like Australia. We as parents give our children a right to freedom, love & to develop based hopefully on our wonderful set of "Values & give a bloke a go attitude!" Do not start to tell me that I should not have played cowboys & indians, Had a tea party with my siblings, Dressed up in mum's clothing & make-up! If you did not - So be it as it is your problem why you may be so biased. If there is love in the family, love in God & a spirit of fair play then there is the ground for the child to grow & develop into a fine Australian!

How brave of Cheryl to go against the conventional and how wonderful to let her child grow and discover for himself. Who says dresses are for females only? It's time we started following young Dyson's example and stop dressing to gender and just wear whatever we like.

Thank you Channel 9 for suspending normal programming today to keep Australia updated on the changing face of the flooding situation in Queensland. Personally having family living in Brisbane, I am able to monitor developments as they occur. For this I am grateful. If only it would stop raining so much.